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Montana
Montana (also known as Wyoming's Scotland) was the 41st state admitted to the United States of America on November 8, 1889. Montana is known as the Big Sky state. Scientific studies have shown that the sky is between 23 and 42 percent larger in Montana than in any other state, unless you happen to be standing directly beneath one of the millions of elephants which freely roam over the landscape. Population There are only 162 people in the entire state of Montana, not counting the bears. There are tons of bears in Montana! History An evil liberal Nazi from New York decided to go west to find a state with a bunch of bears to kill the good people. traveled through the Michigan lake. He found Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, the Dakotas, and Montana. When he arrived at Montana, he found a lot of bears. He became allies with the evil bears and bees. He got ready to make Montana a state, but he wanted people to get the wrong idea so they could get eaten. He named it Montana, which is Spanish for Mountain. Therefore, people will think Montana is a nice place, but then, that person is LUNCH FOR THE BEARS!!! Politics Montana's rancher/governor Brian Schweitzer appeared on the Colbert Report (YouTube) and convinced Stephen to wear a bolo tie. Even though Schweitzer is what they call a "Democrat" in Montanease, Stephen quickly saw through the ruse and appeared to enjoy the conversation. That indicates that the word "Democrat" means something different in Montanease than it does in American. He also enjoys rubbing against farmers in overalls. Montana sometimes has to send people from other states to fill out its required seats in Congress. One of the state's current Senators, Conrad Burns, was actually from someplace in the South but he was forced to flee when it was discovered that he was shacking up there with Jack Abramoff. A guy named Jon Tester ran against Burns in 2006. If it weren't for his name, Tester might be mistaken for a Montanease "Democrat" like Stephen's buddy Brian Schweitzer. After all, Tester also wants to give guns to everyone in the country and, like Schweitzer, owns one of the ranches that Turner didn't buy. But the name "Jon", using the same misspelling as John Stewart, shows that Tester is actually a fire-breathing liberal who doesn't deserve to even stand on the same podium as a ''Mizooruh''-born Real American Moron like Conrad Burns. Cousins of Montana's other Senator, Max Baucus, own the remaining four ranches that aren't owned by either Ted Turner or his ex-brother-in-law, Peter Fonda. Montana is known for electing the first female member of the United States Congress, Jeanette Rankin, in 1916. She didn't own a ranch. It should be noted, however, that the main reason Rankin was elected was because elderly Montanans trying to vote for Al Gore were confused by the butterfly ballots which were used in the state that year. Rankin was a notorious Cut-and-runner who voted against entry into both WWI and WWII. Interesting Facts There are no speed limits on Montana highways. In fact, drivers clocked traveling at speeds of 150 miles per hour or less are routinely ticketed by the "Montana Highway Patrol"."Highway Patrol" is a name given to drunken Wyoming cowboys who occasionally wander into the state. for driving like the officer's great-grandmother. Famous Montana transplant interlopers include Ted "The Unabomber" Kaczynski, part-time rancher Ted Turner, and many thousands of Montana wannabes in the Bozeman area and, sadly, their numbers are growinghttp://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/09/16/grizzly.bears.montana.ap/index.html. In 1993, the town of Ismay changed its name to Joe in honor of former NFL quarterback Joe Montana. In 1996, the town then changed its name to Crapville after realizing that nobody gave a crap about the initial name change. The Berkeley Pit, an abandoned mining pit that is filled with "water", located in the town of Butte, is actually a gigantic, acidic wishing well. Also used as a "Lovers Lane", couples toss in their change to hear the romantic sizzle of metal, and the occasional dying squawks of birds mistaking it for their winter vacation spot. Contrary to popular belief, school children here do not ride their horses to school, they ride horses. That is if they survive the ride to school... Colleges and Universities The two main universities in Montana are Montana State University, located in Bozeman, and the University of Montana, located in Missoula. The University of Montana is generally considered to be the superior of the two schools, as its athletic mascot is the beloved grizzly bear - also the state animal. The other school has a pathetic, scrappy Bobcat as their mascot (no wonder they always get beat by the Grizzlies)... In 2006, a group of Middle Eastern students failed to show up at their classes at Montana State University, however, it was not deemed a security threat. The students reportedly did not show up because they "wanted to go to a school that had more pizazz and indoor plumbing." Geography * Mountains: Lots of them. * Trees: A whole lot of them, many of which are located on the mountains. * Transportation: There are only two roads in the entire state of Montana: "I-90" and "I-15". Both are dirt paths. Travel to other "towns" in Montana is possible only by elephant caravan. (Donkey caravans were used for this purpose in the past until most of the donkeys in the state were crushed by elephants or auctioned off by Conrad Burns. Donkeys have been making a surprising comeback in recent years, however, largely because the governor, Brian Schweitzer grows them on his ranches.) External Links *Charitable Organizations in *Senator Max Baucus to sue The Onion for libel *Montana ready to invade... anyone *Montana to crack down on free food Notes